The Texas-based Guardians of the free Republics

Why the hell doesn’t Texas secede?  Can we hope so before the virus spreads among the other 49 states? If there is a Texas Secession Fund, can someone give me the link so I can write a big check?  Please!

They do like patriotic stuff, don’t you know. Guardians of Free Republics! [the band plays , the balloons rise, the confetti fall,  the hot Texas sun dances off of the guns in the holsters.]

Who are they, one may ask?  Well, they are the most-righteous and the most Patriotic people in all of America.  And they sent letters to 30 state governors demanding their resignation in three days [biblical stuff at this time of the year!].

Apparently, this small knot of Patriots didn’t just drink the tea, they smoked it! And inhaled.

Note the fancy French! I wonder, though, did they eat Freedom Fries during the Bush years?

The DesMoines Register has this story:

The Texas-based Guardians of the free Republics has been quietly recruiting members in Iowa, a member said Friday.

The FBI this week said the extremist group was responsible for sending letters demanding removal of Gov. Chet Culver and more than 30 governors nationwide.

The Guardians group has established an “assembly in Iowa” to promote its plan to restore America, said Hal Epperson, who describes himself as a coordinator of the organization’s unit in Phoenix. “I can tell you that the Guardians have members in every state,” Epperson said in an interview.


Who the hell is Hal? Apparently he knows more history and government than I. The Register says that the Guardians of the free Republics is described as a sovereign citizens group. Sovereign? Excuse me for a moment while I check my Funk and Wagnalls…”sovereign– possessed of supreme power; relating to, characteristic of, or befitting a sovereign.”

Well, well, kingship indeed.  Naturally it begs asking: just who granted these dullards such power?  Perhaps God spoke to them in a communal dream? Or maybe they escaped from the county mental ward?

Whatever.  Now they’re known all across the land.  What was that now infamous quotation of Barry Goldwater?  Something about extremism in the defense of liberty?

I just had a brainstorm!  Why don’t we Men of the Muckrake start our own Patriotic cult?  We all seem to have triple-digit IQ’s and we know our history and government.  All we need is some pretentious patriotic title and perhaps some uniform.  Any ideas?


8 thoughts on “The Texas-based Guardians of the free Republics

  1. I’ve always fancied epaulettes and I had a great mustache once, back in the 70’s. Oh yes and a hat, a grand hat with a plume, something that would go with my Louis Napoleon fixation.

  2. Hello Muddy and Microdot,
    Count me in… I already have the mustache and I can go for the plumed hat….AND MEDALS….We will need Lots and Lots of Bright Shiny Medals with multi-colored ribbons to hang them from. Like Napoleon Bonaparte said, “A soldier will fight long and hard for a bit of colored ribbon.”

  3. I recently grew facial hair for the first time in 20 years. I’ve received so many varied comments ranging from I look like a philosopher to I look like Serpico to I look like Burt Reynolds in Boogie Nights. One of my favorite remarks was when a friend said I’ve got that Southern Rebel thing going on.

    I’m with those who say Texas should secede and good riddance to them.

  4. One major problem is that I am an internationalist and have no love for those who claim to be “patriots”.

    Last refuge of a scoundrel, nonsense–it’s the first.

  5. Hold on guys! It appears that Texas will gain 4 more House seats when the 2010 census is complete…Can U imagine 4 more Dick Armies or Tom DeLayes or Governor Perrys just from Texas alone?

    As they say, “Don’t MESS With Texas!”

  6. As llong as we don’t have any kind of mutual defense pact with Texas I’m for it. I don’t want them dragging us into a war with Mexico.

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