Why the hell doesn’t Texas secede? Can we hope so before the virus spreads among the other 49 states? If there is a Texas Secession Fund, can someone give me the link so I can write a big check? Please!
They do like patriotic stuff, don’t you know. Guardians of Free Republics! [the band plays , the balloons rise, the confetti fall, the hot Texas sun dances off of the guns in the holsters.]
Who are they, one may ask? Well, they are the most-righteous and the most Patriotic people in all of America. And they sent letters to 30 state governors demanding their resignation in three days [biblical stuff at this time of the year!].
Apparently, this small knot of Patriots didn’t just drink the tea, they smoked it! And inhaled.
The DesMoines Register has this story:
The Texas-based Guardians of the free Republics has been quietly recruiting members in Iowa, a member said Friday.
The FBI this week said the extremist group was responsible for sending letters demanding removal of Gov. Chet Culver and more than 30 governors nationwide.
The Guardians group has established an “assembly in Iowa” to promote its plan to restore America, said Hal Epperson, who describes himself as a coordinator of the organization’s unit in Phoenix. “I can tell you that the Guardians have members in every state,” Epperson said in an interview.
Who the hell is Hal? Apparently he knows more history and government than I. The Register says that the Guardians of the free Republics is described as a sovereign citizens group. Sovereign? Excuse me for a moment while I check my Funk and Wagnalls…”sovereign– possessed of supreme power; relating to, characteristic of, or befitting a sovereign.”
Well, well, kingship indeed. Naturally it begs asking: just who granted these dullards such power? Perhaps God spoke to them in a communal dream? Or maybe they escaped from the county mental ward?
Whatever. Now they’re known all across the land. What was that now infamous quotation of Barry Goldwater? Something about extremism in the defense of liberty?
I just had a brainstorm! Why don’t we Men of the Muckrake start our own Patriotic cult? We all seem to have triple-digit IQ’s and we know our history and government. All we need is some pretentious patriotic title and perhaps some uniform. Any ideas?